Meeting Deaf Signers and being able to adequately converse in ASL takes a lot of practice. The good thing is that Deaf people have worked at communicating with hearing people almost all of their lives.

Deaf people are used to gesturing, acting/miming, drawing, describing, and providing multiple methods at getting their ideas across and understanding you. But think about how much time and energy it takes them to cross that "comprehension bridge" over and over again!

Now that you're learning ASL, it's time to be the bigger person and make your way into their signing world, regardless of your frustrations, misunderstandings, and seeming incomprehensibilities. (Remember your privilege—you can stop signing and still make use of your hearing, spoken languages, and other senses. You have the option to not sign, yet still understand your environment.)

Deaf will generally start off by asking you:

• What is your name?

• Are you Deaf or hearing? (Do you have any Deaf/signing family members? Who?)

• Where are you learning sign language?

• Who is your sign language teacher?

• Why do you want to learn sign language?

(If you have a familial or friend-connection to the Deaf Community, mention that person. See if the Deaf person knows your family member or friend!)

They are not being nosy. They are trying to identify common ground, as well as make sure you have innocent and respectful reasons for learning their native language. Deaf people are the gatekeepers to their own language, community, and culture. You are the outsider/visitor who is being granted access and a peek into their private lives. Treat their world as a respectful visitor should: with the utmost respect, wonder, and humility!

You should feel free to ask them similar questions - What's their name, Are they Hard of Hearing, Hearing, or Deaf? Where did they learn ASL? How long have they been signing? Why are they attending this event? etc.

QUESTION: Why are they asking such direct and personal questions?

ANSWER: American Deaf Culture is collectivist, by nature. Even though America espouses "individuality", "personal success stories", and "pulling yourself up by the bootstraps", Deaf Americans prioritize the "good of the community" first (similar to other immigrant/minority cultures). They have learned to rely on each other first and foremost, as they have been oppressed, taken advantage of, and lost countless opportunities at the hands of hearing people all their lives (even family members!).

They value "those who put the community first", "those who have overcome language and cultural barriers, and have made headway for all Deaf members", and especially they value those who are Deaf of Deaf... (people whose parents were Deaf and fluent in ASL, even going back several generations). These fluent ASL users are the keepers of Deaf American History, folklore, jokes, ASL poetry, etc.

Since ASL is a visual-gestural language, and Deaf also treasure their hands and eyes, what they see is what they sign/communicate about. They ask direct and frank questions about you to ensure that you're learning from someone whom they approve and respect (whether hearing, hard of hearing, or Deaf). They want to ensure that you have the best of intentions in learning ASL and engaging with Deaf Culture members.

QUESTION: If Deaf people can't hear, why are they so loud?

ANSWER: Exactly because they can't always gauge HOW loud they actually are, nor do they necessarily know that certain things "make noise". In fact, Deaf people have some amazing insights and stories into how/when they first learned that environmental items "made noise"!

The crinkling up of a piece of paper, the leaky faucet, the toilet running/leaking, a sneeze, a fart, a burp, or even someone yelling through a closed door. All of these are hearing-based experiences to which Deaf usually have no access. And when they are told that certain things they do (shuffling of feet, tapping/clicking of pen, chewing loudly) make audible noise that distracts or is recognized by hearing people, their world opens up even more.

QUESTION: Is it OK to ask them personal questions about their deafness or signing vocabulary/mode/system?

ANSWER: It's OK to ask them how they became Deaf and when they learned to sign. It's NOT OK to assume that their version of signing is "right" or "wrong". Many Deaf students in mainstream public schools usually learned Signed English (or another similar English-based signing system), and then possibly learned ASL later in life. Deaf students at "Schools for the Deaf" were most likely exposed to fluent ASL users (teachers, staff, older students) at a younger age, and thus obtained linguistic fluency in ASL and more developed social skills.

The point is that you sign, they sign, and everyone is understanding each other. Different modes might be new to you, but you can learn some of them and then be more able to communicate with a broader range of Deaf and fluent ASL/Signed English users!

QUESTION: What should I do if they sign to me and I have no idea what they mean???

ANSWER: Be honest! If you don't know, you'd better learn how to sign I-DON'T-UNDERSTAND and AGAIN, SLOW PLEASE. Deaf people (and fluent signers) are excellent readers of body language. They spend their entire lives surrounded by a majority of hearing people and must figure out strategies and tactics to communicate and navigate amongst them. This means they'll know when you're fibbing!

Being humble about learning a new language (and thoroughly enjoying making mistakes and learning from them) is a positive and entertaining approach for mastering ASL. Deaf ASL users appreciate it when you don't take yourself too seriously, have fun, and you show that your goal is friendly conversation, learning about them and yourself, and just enjoying the process.

So get creative and consider alternatives to signing and Fingerspelling if you don't know all of the concepts you want to "sign". Act things out, draw pictures, point, provide examples of similar concepts, etc. Just don't speak or expect them to read your lips!

QUESTION: What are some other things to expect?

ANSWER: Eye contact is paramount in ASL. What you're looking at, who you're looking at, and where you're focusing your attention will be observed by the Deaf and fluent signers around you.

At first, you will be visually overwhelmed when surrounded by many signers, all having their own conversations near you. If a Deaf person/fluent signer is signing to you, do your best to make more-than-normal eye contact (from a hearing perspective!) with them. Don't just watch their signs and fingerspelling. Attempt to focus on their face and mouth/chin. You might be able to lipread some mouthing as they sign and fingerspell. Try not to be distracted by your cell phone, your friends, or other environmental noises. In fact, turn your phones to silent or vibrate, so as not to be tempted by them!

Stand/sit in a well-lit area so that your face, hands, and signing space are well-lit. Avoid windows or bright lights directly behind you, as they will blind anyone trying to communicate with you, and they won't be able to see your face or hands.

Wear clothing that is preferably a solid color, with few-to-no designs, bling, rips/tears, or other visually-distracting features. Your clothing becomes the background for your signs. Watching a solid-colored background is easier on the eyes in the long-run than bright, neon, "loud" clothing backgrounds.

Tapping a Deaf person/signer to get their attention is OK in certain non-invasive locations: shoulders/upper arms, forearms (if sitting next to each other), and possibly thigh/knee (again, if sitting next to each other and one person is also blind or has visual challenges). NEVER tap on the head, the chest, the stomach, or areas "below the belt". Middle of the back is also not appropriate for most situations.

Another way to get attention is by flashing the lights in a room (one or two times). Do not attempt to "strobe" the lights multiple times, as that's considered rude and over the top. This is best for getting an entire room's attention for a general announcement or to start an event. When the lights flash, Deaf people and fluent signers know to focus on the person near the light switches OR the stage/front of the room where the presenter will usually be.

If you see people signing, don't just ogle and stare. Go up to them and introduce yourself. Sign that you're learning ASL and tell them your name. Staring (without identifying that you know ASL) causes discomfort and even paranoia. It takes effort, but if it's a general social event, you should be meeting new people. IF they're in a small restaurant or private location, you may want to just move on.

*Never throw something at or near a Deaf person/fluent signer, since you might hit them or jeopardize their eyes/eyesight. For a Deaf person, their eyes are beyond precious and valued. Eye injury, blindness, or some other trauma to their vision can be a real fear for Deaf people. (Just as you couldn't imagine life without all 5 of your senses, a well-adjusted Deaf person is fine with 4 senses. But the risk of losing another sense due to accidental flying objects or "horseplay"/kidding around isn't a joke.)

Deaf Cultural Norms (web)

Cudoo.com Blog - Deaf DOs and DON'Ts (web)

General FAQ (NAD.org) (web)

Gallaudet University - Snapshot of deaf, hard of hearing (web)